Following Along At Home

Okay, gotta go. Even though the plane doesn't leave for 24 hours, I've got to go into Albuquerque and conduct business all day and into the night.

But, in case you've got a map of West Africa handy and in case you're interested, I thought I'd share my projected itinerary:

After landing in Casablanca I'll be going to Fes and Marrakesh, then down to the coast and on through the Western Sahara, with its unended war and thousands of landmines. Then it is down through Mauritania, famous for the world's longest iron ore train and for still practicing slavery, and on into Senegal, where you're likely to get knifed in its capital city, Dakar. I don't plan to be staying there long, so it's on to The Gambia, home of giant rats, giant frogs, and lots of peanuts, to which I am allergic. Then back into southern Senegal, which has been having a civil war that you haven't heard about, then on into Guinea-Bissau, which just had a bloody coup that you haven't heard about.

Then north into Guinea, on east on the back roads of Guinea, finally ending up in Bamako, Mali, where it's already 94 degrees every day. I head east to Mopti and Djenne, home of the world's largest mud mosque, then southeast to Ouagadougou, capital of Burkina Faso. I continue east to Niger, where I hope to buy some uranium yellowcake for my nuclear weapons program.

Then it's south through Benin to the coast, west to Togo, land of delicious sandwiches, and finally ending up on the beach in Ghana, from where I shall fly back on February 21.

Of course, all of this depends on exquisite and precise timing, which in West Africa is a totally laughable idea. Prepare, therefore, for a few changes in plan.

On the other hand, they say that the extreme southeast corner of the Ivory Coast is still safe. And American citizens are the only ones who don't need to obtain visas beforehand...